STRUKTUR LAPISAN KULIT BUMI (LITHOSFER)
Pertama-tama perlu anda ketahui bahwa kata lithosfer berasal dari bahasa yunani yaitu lithos artinya batuan, dan sphera artinya lapisan lithosfer yaitu lapisan kerak bumi yang paling luar dan terdiri atas batuan dengan ketebalan rata-rata 1200 km. Perlu anda pahami bahwa yang dimaksud batuan bukanlah benda yang keras saja berupa batu dalam kehidupan sehari hari, namun juga dalam bentuk tanah liat, abu gunung api, pasir, kerikil dan sebagainya. Tebal kulit bumi tidak merata, kulit bumi di bagian benua atau daratan lebih tebal dari di bawah samudra.
Bumi tersusun atas beberapa lapisan yaitu:
a. Barisfer yaitu lapisan inti bumi yang merupakan bahan padat yang tersusun dari lapisan nife (niccolum=nikel dan ferum besi) jari jari barisfer +- 3.470 km.
b. Lapisan antara yaitu lapisan yang terdapat di atas nife tebal 1700 km. Lapisan ini disebut juga asthenosfer /mantel, merupakan bahan cair bersuhu tinggi dan berpijar. Berat jenisnya 5 gr/cm3
c. Lithosfer yaitu lapisan paling luar yang terletak di atas lapisan antara dengan ketebalan 1200km berat jenis rata-rata 2,8 gram/cm3
Litosfer disebut juga kulit bumi terdiri dua bagian yaitu:
1. Lapisan sial (silisium alumunium)yaitu lapisan kulit bumi yang tersusun atas logam silisium dan alumunium, senyawanya dalam bentuk SiO2 dan AL 2 O3. Pada lapisan sial (silisium dan alumunium) ini antara lain terdapat batuan sedimen, granit andesit jenis-jenis batuan metamor, dan batuan lain yang terdapat di daratan benua. Lapisan sial dinamakan juga lapisan kerak bersifat padat dan batu bertebaran rata-rata 35km.
Kerak bumi ini terbagi menjadi dua bagian yaitu:
- Kerak benua : merupakan benda padat yang terdiri dari batuan granitdi bagian atasnya dan batuan beku basalt di bagian bawahnya. Kerak ini yang merupakan benua.
- Kerak samudra : merupakan benda padat yang terdiri dari endapan di laut pada bagian atas, kemudian di bawahnya batuan batuan vulkanik dan yang paling bawah tersusun dari batuan beku gabro dan peridolit. Kerak ini menempati dasar samudra.
2. Lapisan sima (silisium magnesium) yaitu lapisan kulit bumi yang tersusun oleh logam logam silisium dan magnesium dalam bentuk senyawa Si O2 dan Mg O lapisan ini mempunyai berat jenis yang lebih besar dari pada lapisan sial karena mengandung besi dan magnesium yaitu mineral ferro
magnesium dan batuan basalt. Lapisan merupakan bahan yang bersipat elastis dan mepunyai ketebalan rata rata 65 km.
Batuan pembentuk lithosfer
Pada lithosfer terdapat tiga jenis batuan yaitu:
a. Batuan beku
b. Batuan sedimen
c. Batuan metamorf
Semua batuan pada mulanya dari magma
Magma keluar di permukaan bumi antara lain melalui puncak gunung berapi. Gunung berapi ada di daratan ada pula yang di lautan. Magma yang sudah mencapai permukaan bumi akan membeku. Magma yang membeku kemudian menjadi batuan beku. Batuan beku muka bumi selama beribu-ribu tahun lamanya dapat hancur terurai selama terkena panas, hujan, serta aktifitas
tumbuhan dan hewan. Selanjutnya hancuran batuan tersebut tersangkut oleh air, angin atau hewan
ke tempat lain untuk diendapkan. Hancuran batuan yang diendapkan disebut batuan endapan atau batuan sedimen. Baik batuan sedimen atau beku dapat berubah bentuk dalam waktu yang sangat lama karena adanya perubahan temperatur dan tekanan. Batuan yang berubah bentuk disebut batuan malihan atau batuan metamorf.
Batuan Beku (Igneous Rocks)
Batuan beku atau sering disebut igneous rocks adalah batuan yang terbentuk dari satu atau beberapa mineral dan terbentuk akibatpembekuan dari magma. Berdasarkan teksturnya batuan beku ini bisa dibedakan lagi menjadi batuan beku plutonik dan vulkanik. Perbedaan antara keduanya bisa dilihat dari besar mineral penyusun batuannya. Batuan beku plutonik umumnya terbentuk dari pembekuan magma yang relatif lebih lambat sehingga mineral-mineral penyusunnya relatif besar. Contoh batuan beku plutonik ini seperti gabro, diorite, dan granit (yang sering dijadikan hiasan rumah). Sedangkan batuan beku vulkanik umumnya terbentuk dari pembekuan magma yang sangat cepat (misalnya akibat letusan gunung api) sehingga mineral penyusunnya lebih kecil. Contohnya adalah basalt, andesit (yang sering dijadikan pondasi rumah), dan dacite.
Batuan yang terbentuk dari proses pembekuan/pengkristalan magma dalam perjalanannya menuju permukaan bumi, termasuk hasil aktivitas gunungapi.
• Batuan beku dalam = batuan plutonik, batuan yg membeku jauh di bawah permukaan bumi, contoh: granit
• Batuan beku korok/gang = batuan intrusif / hipabisal, batuan yg membeku sebelum sampai ke permukaan bumi, contoh: granit porfir
• Batuan beku luar/leleran = batuan ekstrusif / efusif, batuan yg membeku di permukaan bumi, contoh: batuan vulkanis
Batuan Endapan (Sedimentary Rocks)
Batuan sedimen atau sering disebut sedimentary rocks adalah batuan yang terbentuk akibat proses pembatuan atau lithifikasi dari hasil prosespelapukan dan erosi yang kemudian tertransportasi dan seterusnyaterendapkan. Batuan sediment ini bias digolongkan lagi menjadi beberapa bagian diantaranya batuan sedimen klastik, batuan sedimen kimia, dan batuan sedimen organik. Batuan sedimen klastik terbentuk melalui proses pengendapan dari material-material yang mengalami proses transportasi. Besar butir dari batuan sediment klastik bervariasi dari mulai ukuran lempung sampai ukuran bongkah. Biasanya batuan tersebut menjadi batuan penyimpan hidrokarbon (reservoir rocks) atau bisa juga menjadi batuan induk sebagai penghasil hidrokarbon (source rocks). Contohnya batu konglomerat, batu pasir dan batu lempung. Batuan sedimen kimia terbentuk melalui proses presipitasi dari larutan. Biasanya batuan tersebut menjadi batuan pelindung (seal rocks) hidrokarbon dari migrasi. Contohnya anhidrit dan batu garam (salt). Batuan sedimen organik terbentuk dari gabungan sisa-sisa makhluk hidup. Batuan ini biasanya menjadi batuan induk (source) atau batuan penyimpan (reservoir). Contohnya adalah batugamping terumbu.
Batuan yang terbentuk dari proses pengendapan bahan lepas (fragmen) hasil perombakan/pelapukan batuan lain yang terangkut dari tempat asalnya oleh air, es atau angin, yang kemudian mengalami proses diagenesa/pembatuan (pemadatan dan perekatan).
• Batuan sedimen klastik / mekanis = batuan yg terendapkan dari hasil rombakan batuan asal, contoh: konglomerat, breksi, batupasir, serpih, napal, batulempung
• Batuan sedimen organik = batuan yg berasal dari endapan bahan organis (binatang & tumbuhan), contoh: batugamping, batubara, batu gambut, diatomit
• Batuan sedimen kimiawi = batuan endapan akibat proses kimiawi, contoh: evaporit, travertin, anhidrit, halit, batu gips
• Batuan sedimen piroklastik = batuan endapan hasil erupsi gunungapi berupa abu/debu, contoh: tufa
Batuan Malihan (Metamorphic Rocks)
Batuan metamorf atau batuan malihan adalah batuan yang terbentuk akibat proses perubahan temperature dan/atau tekanan dari batuan yang telah ada sebelumnya. Akibat bertambahnya temperature dan/atau tekanan, batuan sebelumnya akan berubah tektur dan strukturnya sehingga membentuk batuan baru dengan tekstur dan struktur yang baru pula. Contoh batuan tersebut adalah batu sabak atau slate yang merupakan perubahan batu lempung. Batu marmer yang merupakan perubahan dari batu gamping. Batu kuarsit yang merupakan perubahan dari batu pasir.Apabila semua batuan-batuan yang sebelumnya terpanaskan dan meleleh maka akan membentuk magma yang kemudian mengalami proses pendinginan kembali dan menjadi batuan-batuan baru lagi.
Batuan yang terbentuk dari proses perubahan batuan asal (batuan beku maupun sedimen), baik perubahan bentuk/struktur maupun susunan mineralnya akibat pengaruh tekanan dan/atau temperatur yang sangat tinggi, sehingga menjadi batuan yang baru.
• Batuan metamorf kontak/sentuh/termal = batuan malihan akibat bersinggungan dengan magma, contoh: marmer, kuarsit, batutanduk
• Batuan metamorf tekan/dinamo/kataklastik = batuan malihan akibat tekanan yang sangat tinggi, contoh: batusabak, sekis, filit
• Batuan metamorf regional/dinamo-termal = batuan malihan akibat pengaruh tekanan dan temperatur yang sangat tinggi, contoh: genes, amfibolit, grafit
Pemanfaatan lithosfer
Lithosfer merupakan bagian bumi yang langsung berpengaruh terhadap kehidupan dan memiluki manfaat yang sangat besar bagi kehidupan di bumi. Litosfer bagian atas merupakan tempat hidup bagi manusia, hewan dan tanaman. Manusia melakukan aktifitas di atas lithosfer. Selanjutnya lithosfer bagian bawah mengandung bahan bahan mineral yang sangat bermanfaat bagi manusia. Bahan bahan mineral atau tambang yang berasal dari lithosfer bagian bawah diantaranya minyak bumi dan gas, emas, batu bara, besi, nikel dan timah.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Pengertian Peta - Jenis, Macam, Bentuk, Warna, dan Syarat Membuat Peta, Atlas atau Globe / Bola Bumi - Bahas Pelajaran Geografi
A. Arti, Pengertian atau Definisi Peta
Peta adalah gambar atau lukisan keseluruhan atau pun sebagian permukaan bumi baik laut maupun darat.
B. Macam-Macam atau Jenis-Jenis Peta
Peta dapat diklasifikasi menjadi dua / 2 jenis, yakni :
1. Peta Umum
Peta umum adalah peta yang manampilkan bentuk fisik permukaan bumi suatu wilayah. Contoh : Peta jalan dan gedung wilayah DKI Jakarta.
2. Peta Khusus
Peta khusus adalah peta yang menampakkan suatu keadaan atau kondisi khusus suatu daerah tertentu atau keseluruhan daerah bumi. Contohnya adalah peta persebaran hasil tambang, peta curah hujan, peta pertanian perkebunan, peta iklim, dan lain sebagainya.
C. Pembagian Peta
1. Peta Luas
Peta luas adalah peta yang menggambarkan suatu daerah yang luas seperti peta dunia, peta daerah amerika utara, peta benua, peta samudera, peta kutub utara dan kutub selatan, dsb.
2. Peta Sempit
Peta sempit adalah peta yang hanya menampilkan sebagian kecil suatu area. Contoh peta sempit yaitu peta desa atau pedesaan, peta kota atau perkotaan, peta gorong-gorong kampung, peta gedung, denah rumah, dan lain sebagainya.
D. Bentuk Lain Dari Peta
1. Atlas
Atlas adalah gabungan dari beberapa peta yang dikumpulkan dalam sebuah buku yang memiliki judul atlas serta jenis-jenis atlas yang ada di buku tersebut.
2. Globe
Globe atau Bola Dunia adalah suatu bentuk tiruan bola bumi yang dibuat dalam skala yang kecil untuk dapat lebih memahami bentuk asli planet bumi.
E. Berbagai Macam dan Jenis Warna Peta Beserta Artinya / Arti Warna Pada Peta
1. Warna Laut
- hijau : 0 - 200 meter dpl / ketinggian
- kuning : 200 - 500 meter dpl / ketinggian
- coklat muda : 500 - 1500 meter dpl / ketinggian
- coklat : 1500 - 4000 meter dpl / ketinggian
- coklat berbintik hitam : 4000 - 6000 meter dpl / ketinggian
- coklat kehitam-hitaman : 6000 meter dpl lebih / ketinggian
2. Warna Darat
- biru pucat : 0 - 200 meter / kedalaman
- biru muda : 200 - 1000 meter / kedalaman
- biru : 1000 - 4000 meter / kedalaman
- biru tua : 4000 - 6000 meter / kedalaman
- biru tua berbintik merah : 6000 meter lebih / kedalaman
F. Syarat-Syarat yang Wajib Ada Pada Peta
1. Judul peta
2. Skala peta
3. Lambang Peta : jalan, sungai, ibu kota, pelabuhan, batas wiayah, dll
4. garis pinggir peta
5. Petunjuk arah mata angin : utara, selatan, timur, barat , dll
G. Jenis Skala Pada Peta
Pengertian atau definisi : Skala peta adalah perbandingan jarak di peta dengan jarak sesungguhnya dengan satuan atau tehnik tertentu.
1. Skala angka / skala pecahan
Contohnya seperti 1 : 1000 yang berarti 1 cm di peta sama dengan 1000 cm jarak aslinya di dunia nyata.
2. Skala Satuan
Misalnya seperti 1 inchi to 5 miles dengan arti 1 inch di peta adalah sama dengan 5 mil pada jarak sebenarnya.
3. Skala Garis
Skala garis menampilkan suatu garis dengan beberapa satuan jarak yang menyatakan suatu jarak pada tiap satuan jarak yang ada.
H. Proyeksi Pada Peta
Proyeksi peta adalah suatu teknik pemindahan gambar peta ke berbagai macam bentuk peta. Beberapa jenis-jenis proyeksi peta :
1. Proyeksi Mercator
2. Proyeksi Silinder
3. Proyeksi Mollowide
4. Proyeksi Kerucut
Peta adalah gambar atau lukisan keseluruhan atau pun sebagian permukaan bumi baik laut maupun darat.
B. Macam-Macam atau Jenis-Jenis Peta
Peta dapat diklasifikasi menjadi dua / 2 jenis, yakni :
1. Peta Umum
Peta umum adalah peta yang manampilkan bentuk fisik permukaan bumi suatu wilayah. Contoh : Peta jalan dan gedung wilayah DKI Jakarta.
2. Peta Khusus
Peta khusus adalah peta yang menampakkan suatu keadaan atau kondisi khusus suatu daerah tertentu atau keseluruhan daerah bumi. Contohnya adalah peta persebaran hasil tambang, peta curah hujan, peta pertanian perkebunan, peta iklim, dan lain sebagainya.
C. Pembagian Peta
1. Peta Luas
Peta luas adalah peta yang menggambarkan suatu daerah yang luas seperti peta dunia, peta daerah amerika utara, peta benua, peta samudera, peta kutub utara dan kutub selatan, dsb.
2. Peta Sempit
Peta sempit adalah peta yang hanya menampilkan sebagian kecil suatu area. Contoh peta sempit yaitu peta desa atau pedesaan, peta kota atau perkotaan, peta gorong-gorong kampung, peta gedung, denah rumah, dan lain sebagainya.
D. Bentuk Lain Dari Peta
1. Atlas
Atlas adalah gabungan dari beberapa peta yang dikumpulkan dalam sebuah buku yang memiliki judul atlas serta jenis-jenis atlas yang ada di buku tersebut.
2. Globe
Globe atau Bola Dunia adalah suatu bentuk tiruan bola bumi yang dibuat dalam skala yang kecil untuk dapat lebih memahami bentuk asli planet bumi.
E. Berbagai Macam dan Jenis Warna Peta Beserta Artinya / Arti Warna Pada Peta
1. Warna Laut
- hijau : 0 - 200 meter dpl / ketinggian
- kuning : 200 - 500 meter dpl / ketinggian
- coklat muda : 500 - 1500 meter dpl / ketinggian
- coklat : 1500 - 4000 meter dpl / ketinggian
- coklat berbintik hitam : 4000 - 6000 meter dpl / ketinggian
- coklat kehitam-hitaman : 6000 meter dpl lebih / ketinggian
2. Warna Darat
- biru pucat : 0 - 200 meter / kedalaman
- biru muda : 200 - 1000 meter / kedalaman
- biru : 1000 - 4000 meter / kedalaman
- biru tua : 4000 - 6000 meter / kedalaman
- biru tua berbintik merah : 6000 meter lebih / kedalaman
F. Syarat-Syarat yang Wajib Ada Pada Peta
1. Judul peta
2. Skala peta
3. Lambang Peta : jalan, sungai, ibu kota, pelabuhan, batas wiayah, dll
4. garis pinggir peta
5. Petunjuk arah mata angin : utara, selatan, timur, barat , dll
G. Jenis Skala Pada Peta
Pengertian atau definisi : Skala peta adalah perbandingan jarak di peta dengan jarak sesungguhnya dengan satuan atau tehnik tertentu.
1. Skala angka / skala pecahan
Contohnya seperti 1 : 1000 yang berarti 1 cm di peta sama dengan 1000 cm jarak aslinya di dunia nyata.
2. Skala Satuan
Misalnya seperti 1 inchi to 5 miles dengan arti 1 inch di peta adalah sama dengan 5 mil pada jarak sebenarnya.
3. Skala Garis
Skala garis menampilkan suatu garis dengan beberapa satuan jarak yang menyatakan suatu jarak pada tiap satuan jarak yang ada.
H. Proyeksi Pada Peta
Proyeksi peta adalah suatu teknik pemindahan gambar peta ke berbagai macam bentuk peta. Beberapa jenis-jenis proyeksi peta :
1. Proyeksi Mercator
2. Proyeksi Silinder
3. Proyeksi Mollowide
4. Proyeksi Kerucut
Friday, January 13, 2012
CONTOH TEXT SPOOF
PINGUIN IN THE PARK
Once a man was walking in a park when he across a penguin. He took it to a policeman and said; "What should I do?" The policeman replied; "Take it to the zoo!".
The next day, the policeman saw the man in the same park. The man was still carrying the penguin. The policeman was rather surprised and walked up to the man and asked; "Why are you still carrying the penguin? Didn't you take it to the zoo?" The man replied; "I certainly did. And it was a great idea because the penguin really enjoyed it. So, today I am taking it to the movie".
ABU NAWAS AND THE KING AARON
The king wanted to test Abu Nawas’ smartness. So he invited Abu Nawas to the palace. “You want me, your Majesty?” greeted Abu Nawas. “Yes, you have fooled me three times and that’s too much. I want you to leave the country. Otherwise you will have to go to jail” said the king. “If that is what you want, I will do what you said” said Abu Nawas sadly. Then “Remember, from tomorrow you may not step on the ground of this country anymore” the king said seriously. Then Abu nawas left the king palace sadly.
The following morning the king ordered his two guards to go to Abu Nawas’ house. The guards were very surprised found Abu Nawas still in his house. He had not left the country yet. Instead leaving the country, Abu Nawas was swimming in small pool in front of his house. “Hey Abu Nawas, why haven’t you left this country yet? The king ordered you not to step on the ground of this country anymore, didn’t he?” said the guards. “Sure he did” answered Abu Nawas calmly. “But look at me! Do I step on the ground of this country? No, I do not step on the ground. I am swimming on the water” continued Abu Nawas.
The guards were not able to argue with Abu Nawas so they left Abu Nawas’ house and went back to the palace. The guards reported what they had seen to the king. The king was curious on Abu Nawas’ excuse not to leave the country. Therefore the king ordered his guard to call Abu Nawas to come to the palace.
Abu Nawas came to the palace on stilts. The king wondered and said “Abu, I will surely punish you because you haven’t done what I have said. You have not left this country”. The King continued “And now, look at you. You walk on stilts like a child. Are you crazy? The king pretended to be furious.
“I remember exactly what you said, Your Majesty” Abu Nawas answered calmly. “This morning I took a bath in the small pool in my house so that I had not to step on the ground. And since yesterday, I have been walking on this stilts. So you see, Your Majesty, I do not step on the ground of this country”. The king was not able to say anything.
NASREDDIN’S COAT
One day Nasreddin had been invited to the dinner party. He went to the party by wearing old clothes.
When he arrived in the party, nobody looked at him and nobody gave him a seat. He got no food in the party so he went home and change his clothes
Next he put on his best clothes. He wore his newest coat and went to the party again. The host at once got up and came to meet him. The host offered him the best table and gave him a good seat and served him the best food
Nasreddin sat and put off his coat. He put his coat and said; “Eat the food, Coat!” the hosts and guests were very surprised and asked Nareddin; “What are doing?” Nasreddin replied calmly; “When I came here with my old clothes, nobody looked at me. Then I went home and put on my best clothes. I came back in my newest coat and you all give me this best food and drink. So, you give food to my coat instead of me”. Getting Nasreddin's answer, they just shook the head.
PRIMITIVE MAN
A man from the country side Went to a city. It was his first time visiting the city, so the city's view with all the flashy technology Shocked uterus very much.
While roaming the city's shopping center, he found a red building That was soo big! He wanted to go inside the building, so he excitedly walked up to the building and found Himself face to face with a shiny metallic door. On the door was an 'open' sign. He was Surprised, this building is an oven? He mistakenly stores the sign 'open' as 'oven'.
In cue with this mistake, a white man opened the door and ENTERED the building. And then five minutes later, the metallic door opened revealing a black man!
When another white man, Came to enter the building, the country-side man stopped from entering uterus. He said, "Do not go in there! That building is an oven!"
THE ZOO JOB STORY
One day a clown was visiting the zoo and attempted to earn some money by making a street performance. He acted and mimed perfectly some animal acts. As soon as he started to drive a crowd, a zoo keeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office. The zoo keeper explained to the clown that the zoo's most popular gorilla had died suddenly and the keeper was fear that attendance at the zoo would fall off. So he offered the clown a job to dress up as the gorilla until the zoo could get another one. The clown accepted this great opportunity.
So the next morning the clown put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowd came. He felt that it was a great job. He could sleep all he wanted, played and made fun of people and he drove bigger crowds than he ever did as a clown. He pretended the gorilla successfully.
However, eventually the crowds were tired of him for just swinging on tires. He began to notice that the people were paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he decided to make a spectacular performance. He climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this made the lion furious, but the crowd people loved it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper came and gave him a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this went on for some time, he kept taunting the lion, the audience crowd grew a larger, and his salary kept going up. Then one terrible day happened. When he was dangling over the furious lion, he slipped and fell into the lion cage. The clown was really in big terrible situation. He was terrified.
Sooner the lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce. The clown was so scared. He could do nothing and he began to run round and round the cage with the lion close and closer behind. Finally, the lion could catch him. The clown started screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion was quick and pounces. The clown soon found himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and suddenly he heard a voice from the lion’s mouth;"Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?".
THE NECKLACE
Mathilde Loisel was one of those pretty and charming girls born,and she let herself be married off to a little clerk in the Ministry of Education. One evening her husband came home with a large envelope in his hand, an invitation card:
"The Minister of Education and Madame Ramponneau request the pleasure of the company of Monsieur and Madame Loisel at the Ministry on the evening of Monday, January the 18th."
Instead of being delighted, she flung the invitation petulantly across the table, murmuring.
"Why, darling, I thought you'd be happy. You never go out, and this is a great occasion."
She looked at him out of furious eyes, and said impatiently: "And what do you suppose I am to wear at such a party?"
Her husband had not thought about it. But soon he had bright idea and exclaimed "Why don't you go and see Madame Forestier and ask her to lend you some jewels. "
She uttered a cry of delight. "That's true. I never thought of it."
Next day she went to see her friend. Madame Forestier went to her dressing-table, took and opened a large box. Her heart began to beat covetously. She discovered a superb diamond necklace. Her hands trembled as she lifted it. She fastened it round her neck, upon her high dress, and remained in ecstasy at sight of herself.
The day of the party arrived. She was the prettiest woman present, elegant, graceful, smiling, and quite above herself with happiness. All the men stared at her, inquired her name, and asked to be introduced to her. She left the party about four o'clock in the morning. Arriving at home, She took off the clothes. But suddenly she uttered a cry. The necklace was no longer round her neck. So her husband returned to the party to find the necklace but he had found nothing. His face lined and pale. "You must write to your friend," he said, "and tell her that you've broken the clasp of her necklace and are getting it mended. That will give us time to work and get money to replace the necklace"
She came to know the heavy work. She washed the plates, dirty linen, the shirts and dish-cloths, and hung them out to dry on a string. Every morning she took the dustbin down into the street and carried up the water, stopping on each landing to get her breath. She went to the fruiterer, to the grocer, to the butcher, a basket on her arm, haggling, insulted, fighting for every wretched halfpenny of her money. While her husband worked in the evenings at putting straight a merchant's accounts, and often at night he did copying at twopence-halfpenny a page. This life lasted ten years and they had enough money to to buy and replace the necklace.
She went to meet Madame Forestier.
"You remember the diamond necklace you lent me?. Actually I lost it"
"How could you? Why, Well, you meet me to return the necklace now?"
"Yes, I bring you another necklace just like it. And for the last ten years we have been working hard for it. You realise it wasn't easy for us; we had no money. Well, it's paid for at last, and I'm glad indeed."
Madame Forestier smiled in proud and innocent happiness. She deeply moved and said; "Oh, my poor Mathilde! But mine was imitation. It was only worth at five hundred francs!"
CINDERELLA WOULD BE SHOCKED
Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, "The Best Comeback Line Ever"
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Darn...is it midnight already?"
THAT PHONE IS OFF
Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.
Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.
“It must be my first customer” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.
The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone”
LOVING MONEY TOO MUCH
There was a man who liked money very much. He worked all of his life and wanted to save all of his money for his own future. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything.
Even, just before he died, he said to his wife; "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he asked his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day, he really died. Then he was stretched out in the casket. The wife was sitting there in black clothes next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box in her hands. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. After that the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Not long after that, her friend said, "I hope you were not crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
The wife turned to her friend and replied; "Yes, because I have promised." Then she continued; "I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." Feeling shocked, her friend said; "You mean that you have put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" Then the wife answered; "Surely I did. I got it all together, put all the money into my account and I just wrote him a check."
THE SPYING PARROT
A guy was having marital problems. He and the wife were not communicating at all and he had lonesome so he went to a pet store thinking a pet might help.
In the store he came to parrots. As he wandered down the rows of parrots he noticed one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?"
The parrot said "With my prick, you dummy."
The guy was startled and said "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot said "Of course, I'm very well educated. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy said "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
Then the guy bought the parrot and for three months things go great. When he came home from work the parrot told him about the recent and hottest news.
One day the guy come home from work and the parrot waved a wing at him and said "Come in and shut the door."
The guy said "What's up?"
The parrot said "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. I saw
that your wife answered the door in her transparent gown and he kissed her right on the lips."
The guy said "He did? Did you see?"
The parrot said " Yes, Then he pulled her gown down... and ....."
"My God, what happened next? "The guy said curiously to know next.
Then the parrot replied "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
Once a man was walking in a park when he across a penguin. He took it to a policeman and said; "What should I do?" The policeman replied; "Take it to the zoo!".
The next day, the policeman saw the man in the same park. The man was still carrying the penguin. The policeman was rather surprised and walked up to the man and asked; "Why are you still carrying the penguin? Didn't you take it to the zoo?" The man replied; "I certainly did. And it was a great idea because the penguin really enjoyed it. So, today I am taking it to the movie".
ABU NAWAS AND THE KING AARON
The king wanted to test Abu Nawas’ smartness. So he invited Abu Nawas to the palace. “You want me, your Majesty?” greeted Abu Nawas. “Yes, you have fooled me three times and that’s too much. I want you to leave the country. Otherwise you will have to go to jail” said the king. “If that is what you want, I will do what you said” said Abu Nawas sadly. Then “Remember, from tomorrow you may not step on the ground of this country anymore” the king said seriously. Then Abu nawas left the king palace sadly.
The following morning the king ordered his two guards to go to Abu Nawas’ house. The guards were very surprised found Abu Nawas still in his house. He had not left the country yet. Instead leaving the country, Abu Nawas was swimming in small pool in front of his house. “Hey Abu Nawas, why haven’t you left this country yet? The king ordered you not to step on the ground of this country anymore, didn’t he?” said the guards. “Sure he did” answered Abu Nawas calmly. “But look at me! Do I step on the ground of this country? No, I do not step on the ground. I am swimming on the water” continued Abu Nawas.
The guards were not able to argue with Abu Nawas so they left Abu Nawas’ house and went back to the palace. The guards reported what they had seen to the king. The king was curious on Abu Nawas’ excuse not to leave the country. Therefore the king ordered his guard to call Abu Nawas to come to the palace.
Abu Nawas came to the palace on stilts. The king wondered and said “Abu, I will surely punish you because you haven’t done what I have said. You have not left this country”. The King continued “And now, look at you. You walk on stilts like a child. Are you crazy? The king pretended to be furious.
“I remember exactly what you said, Your Majesty” Abu Nawas answered calmly. “This morning I took a bath in the small pool in my house so that I had not to step on the ground. And since yesterday, I have been walking on this stilts. So you see, Your Majesty, I do not step on the ground of this country”. The king was not able to say anything.
NASREDDIN’S COAT
One day Nasreddin had been invited to the dinner party. He went to the party by wearing old clothes.
When he arrived in the party, nobody looked at him and nobody gave him a seat. He got no food in the party so he went home and change his clothes
Next he put on his best clothes. He wore his newest coat and went to the party again. The host at once got up and came to meet him. The host offered him the best table and gave him a good seat and served him the best food
Nasreddin sat and put off his coat. He put his coat and said; “Eat the food, Coat!” the hosts and guests were very surprised and asked Nareddin; “What are doing?” Nasreddin replied calmly; “When I came here with my old clothes, nobody looked at me. Then I went home and put on my best clothes. I came back in my newest coat and you all give me this best food and drink. So, you give food to my coat instead of me”. Getting Nasreddin's answer, they just shook the head.
PRIMITIVE MAN
A man from the country side Went to a city. It was his first time visiting the city, so the city's view with all the flashy technology Shocked uterus very much.
While roaming the city's shopping center, he found a red building That was soo big! He wanted to go inside the building, so he excitedly walked up to the building and found Himself face to face with a shiny metallic door. On the door was an 'open' sign. He was Surprised, this building is an oven? He mistakenly stores the sign 'open' as 'oven'.
In cue with this mistake, a white man opened the door and ENTERED the building. And then five minutes later, the metallic door opened revealing a black man!
When another white man, Came to enter the building, the country-side man stopped from entering uterus. He said, "Do not go in there! That building is an oven!"
THE ZOO JOB STORY
One day a clown was visiting the zoo and attempted to earn some money by making a street performance. He acted and mimed perfectly some animal acts. As soon as he started to drive a crowd, a zoo keeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office. The zoo keeper explained to the clown that the zoo's most popular gorilla had died suddenly and the keeper was fear that attendance at the zoo would fall off. So he offered the clown a job to dress up as the gorilla until the zoo could get another one. The clown accepted this great opportunity.
So the next morning the clown put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowd came. He felt that it was a great job. He could sleep all he wanted, played and made fun of people and he drove bigger crowds than he ever did as a clown. He pretended the gorilla successfully.
However, eventually the crowds were tired of him for just swinging on tires. He began to notice that the people were paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he decided to make a spectacular performance. He climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this made the lion furious, but the crowd people loved it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper came and gave him a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this went on for some time, he kept taunting the lion, the audience crowd grew a larger, and his salary kept going up. Then one terrible day happened. When he was dangling over the furious lion, he slipped and fell into the lion cage. The clown was really in big terrible situation. He was terrified.
Sooner the lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce. The clown was so scared. He could do nothing and he began to run round and round the cage with the lion close and closer behind. Finally, the lion could catch him. The clown started screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion was quick and pounces. The clown soon found himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and suddenly he heard a voice from the lion’s mouth;"Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?".
THE NECKLACE
Mathilde Loisel was one of those pretty and charming girls born,and she let herself be married off to a little clerk in the Ministry of Education. One evening her husband came home with a large envelope in his hand, an invitation card:
"The Minister of Education and Madame Ramponneau request the pleasure of the company of Monsieur and Madame Loisel at the Ministry on the evening of Monday, January the 18th."
Instead of being delighted, she flung the invitation petulantly across the table, murmuring.
"Why, darling, I thought you'd be happy. You never go out, and this is a great occasion."
She looked at him out of furious eyes, and said impatiently: "And what do you suppose I am to wear at such a party?"
Her husband had not thought about it. But soon he had bright idea and exclaimed "Why don't you go and see Madame Forestier and ask her to lend you some jewels. "
She uttered a cry of delight. "That's true. I never thought of it."
Next day she went to see her friend. Madame Forestier went to her dressing-table, took and opened a large box. Her heart began to beat covetously. She discovered a superb diamond necklace. Her hands trembled as she lifted it. She fastened it round her neck, upon her high dress, and remained in ecstasy at sight of herself.
The day of the party arrived. She was the prettiest woman present, elegant, graceful, smiling, and quite above herself with happiness. All the men stared at her, inquired her name, and asked to be introduced to her. She left the party about four o'clock in the morning. Arriving at home, She took off the clothes. But suddenly she uttered a cry. The necklace was no longer round her neck. So her husband returned to the party to find the necklace but he had found nothing. His face lined and pale. "You must write to your friend," he said, "and tell her that you've broken the clasp of her necklace and are getting it mended. That will give us time to work and get money to replace the necklace"
She came to know the heavy work. She washed the plates, dirty linen, the shirts and dish-cloths, and hung them out to dry on a string. Every morning she took the dustbin down into the street and carried up the water, stopping on each landing to get her breath. She went to the fruiterer, to the grocer, to the butcher, a basket on her arm, haggling, insulted, fighting for every wretched halfpenny of her money. While her husband worked in the evenings at putting straight a merchant's accounts, and often at night he did copying at twopence-halfpenny a page. This life lasted ten years and they had enough money to to buy and replace the necklace.
She went to meet Madame Forestier.
"You remember the diamond necklace you lent me?. Actually I lost it"
"How could you? Why, Well, you meet me to return the necklace now?"
"Yes, I bring you another necklace just like it. And for the last ten years we have been working hard for it. You realise it wasn't easy for us; we had no money. Well, it's paid for at last, and I'm glad indeed."
Madame Forestier smiled in proud and innocent happiness. She deeply moved and said; "Oh, my poor Mathilde! But mine was imitation. It was only worth at five hundred francs!"
CINDERELLA WOULD BE SHOCKED
Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, "The Best Comeback Line Ever"
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Darn...is it midnight already?"
THAT PHONE IS OFF
Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.
Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.
“It must be my first customer” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.
The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone”
LOVING MONEY TOO MUCH
There was a man who liked money very much. He worked all of his life and wanted to save all of his money for his own future. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything.
Even, just before he died, he said to his wife; "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he asked his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day, he really died. Then he was stretched out in the casket. The wife was sitting there in black clothes next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box in her hands. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. After that the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Not long after that, her friend said, "I hope you were not crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
The wife turned to her friend and replied; "Yes, because I have promised." Then she continued; "I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." Feeling shocked, her friend said; "You mean that you have put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" Then the wife answered; "Surely I did. I got it all together, put all the money into my account and I just wrote him a check."
THE SPYING PARROT
A guy was having marital problems. He and the wife were not communicating at all and he had lonesome so he went to a pet store thinking a pet might help.
In the store he came to parrots. As he wandered down the rows of parrots he noticed one with no feet. Surprised he mutters "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?"
The parrot said "With my prick, you dummy."
The guy was startled and said "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot said "Of course, I'm very well educated. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy said "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
Then the guy bought the parrot and for three months things go great. When he came home from work the parrot told him about the recent and hottest news.
One day the guy come home from work and the parrot waved a wing at him and said "Come in and shut the door."
The guy said "What's up?"
The parrot said "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. I saw
that your wife answered the door in her transparent gown and he kissed her right on the lips."
The guy said "He did? Did you see?"
The parrot said " Yes, Then he pulled her gown down... and ....."
"My God, what happened next? "The guy said curiously to know next.
Then the parrot replied "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
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